When I wrote Catch a Fish from the Sea Using the Internet, my true-life story about seeking that elusive guy, I naively thought that the issues I speak about in the book touched only me. I am a British Pakistani female, Muslim and raised in the West. My book is an account of my experiences following my search for a partner using the medium of the internet.
The book starts off with a brief background of what it was like having to deal with the thought of balancing tradition and desire to choose my own partner. I recount the horrific encounter of an introduction via parents and that even more horrifying idea of the ‘tea-ceremony’.
Having gathered the courage to break free from this tradition, I realised that the internet was my only hope. At first it was difficult because the idea of finding your own partner was unthinkable amongst the Pakistani circles, so I approached the internet with caution and shame of what people would think or say if they ever found out that I had to turn to it to find someone with whom to spend my life.
As I explored the matrimonial route via cyberspace, I discovered that I was not alone.
Thousands and thousands of British Pakistani Muslim women were in my position. Phew! What a relief! And then I saw that thousands and thousands of British Bengali Muslim females were too . . . as were thousands and thousands of British Indian Hindu females and thousands and thousands of British Indian Sikh females.
This surprised and intrigued me at the same time. I thought that the mass exodus to the internet was restricted to just us British Pakistani females as a rebellion almost to our long practised cultural ways- of- the-world to which our parents, the first generation were accustomed. Little did I know that it would be many years before I would begin to piece this puzzle in my mind and that it would happen as a result of being somewhere at the right time and the right place.
A few years ago now (geez has it been that long?!?!), I was waiting for a show to start at Watermans’ Arts Centre in Brentford. I had a little spare time and a flyer for an exhibition called ‘Enter07’ at their New Media Gallery caught my eye. This exhibition was a display of young British Asian graduates from the creative industries. There was one that particularly caught my eye. It was right in the corner tucked away. There was a screen projection showing a family tree with videos of interviews being shown. It was by a very talented young lady, Manisha Lad, documentary maker and this work was called ‘Modern Asian/Modern British Indian woman’. I was drawn to the part about love and marriage. I stood there fascinated by what was transpiring in front of me. The documentary charts the viewpoints of Manisha’s grandparents and then follows down the generation with her parents until finally the youngest generation of the family discusses their views.
I was startled at the parallels that can be drawn between my own book and Manisha’s work (which is also ingeniously presented as a book next to her exhibition) and for a moment I forgot that I was of Pakistani origin and she, of Indian. We were from different faiths and different backgrounds yet somehow we shared a commonality. We were both British Asian women, both touched by the very same issues and both trying to balance a sense of heritage and tradition with our own approach to life having been exposed to the West.
Everyday I get emails from women all over the world, telling me how they love the book and how they can relate to the pain and the laughter in it. In fact, just recently, a British English female contacted and said that she felt I was narrating her life in my book!
Underneath our layers of ethnicity, we are all the same aren’t we really and when we cut (which you can bet love will at some point), we bleed the same colour despite our differences. ■
